Late last night, the Hard Salted Pretzel - known by all for its pleasant if not underwhelming flavor - died under mysterious circumstances.
Witnesses describe a dark cloud engulfing the sky, followed by the sounds of sinister laughter and a 20-piece brass ensemble. When calmness returned, all the pretzels had been replaced by Zapp's new Sinfullfy Seasoned Pretzel Stix, available in both Voodoo and Jazzy Honey Mustard flavors.
The original pretzels will not be missed. In lieu of flowers, please send a bag of Zapp's Sinfully Seasoned Pretzel Stix to a pretzel lover in your life.